Greetings Halo Fans! Finally, the story can be told. News from the front lines of the gaming industry this week has pointed to copies of the anxiously awaited Halo 3 leaked onto ebay.
In the wake of this announcement, Tied the Leader was not to be outdone. This act of piracy and unauthorized e-Commerce represented a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity in rogue Internet Journalism. Thus, we pooled our collective lunch monies and we scored ourselves a copy!
Since then, we have been frantically storming through the campaign on Easy! That’s just how we roll. Now that we have emerged triumphant from the story mission, it is our pleasure to share with you all the pearls of narrative for which you just cannot wait.
TOP TEN SURPRISES IN HALO 3!
10. The Master Chief and Sergeant Johnson ride “Brokeback” on a Mongoose – not that there is anything wrong with that.
9. Cortona upgrades her behavioral profile to “Vegan 2.0” in order to defeat the Gravemind in a triumphant battle royale.
8. The light that is emitted by the Ark only kills Nazis.
7. For only 200 Microsoft Points, gamers can download a skin that enables them to play as Chuck Norris.
6. The Arbiter survives the war, and settles down in the MidWest to become the industry-leading owner of Dodge dealerships in the region.
5. The Warthog achieves a turbo boost when its exhaust manifold is injected with Mt. Dew Gamer Fuel.
4. The Brute Chieftain climbs atop the Empire State Building for a final boss fight against a swarm of angry UNSC Hornets.
3. The Chief’s helmet comes off at the end, and he looks just like Bill Gates.
2. There is an intermission in which a kickline of Flood Warrior Forms perform the dance number from the video for Michael Jackson’s ‘THRILLER’.
1. Last line of the credits? “To Be Continued!”
You heard it here first!
Try to contain your jealousy. You will get your turn…