D0429 T2357 Y2007TTL Salutes the Best Thing On Television

What did you do last night, fair gamer?

Did you watch television? Or play Halo?

This gamer played Halo. Again. Over two years since I first spun the disc in a tray, I sought out good games in Halo 2 on Xbox Live.

People are always asking me how often I play Halo. This question comes most often from the uninitiated. [Your fellow gamers, after all, are the ones who ask “When the f&%k are you going to play Halo again?”] The ungamed imagination is staggered by the idea that someone would devote hours out of a week to playing the same game – time and time again. The same overplayed scenarios on the same scorched maps. For all they know, the Halo Nation Experience is like being locked up in prison, with nothing but a dusty Pong box to help pass the hours.

Rote. Repetition. Replay. Respawn.

Those of us in the know can attest that this is not the way of things. On this day, there were over 200,000 of us. We are not couch potatoes. We are active participants in the best experience that can be had in front of the television.

The curious parties are the same ones who log even more hours riding the couch, soaking up prime time programming. As if it was an ooze of liquid crystal corn syrup, they slurp what gets slopped, and then come back for thirds. Television is not called The Idiot Box for nothing.

They get lost on an island where withholding crucial plot elements passes for “mystery”. They follow the cartoonish travels of murderous slobs through backalley deals that deprive honest people of the money they need to settle up debts incurred at the track. They watch an average jack torture his way through yet another day that amounts to the sum of our national security fears. They immerse themselves [vicariously] in contests that employ an entire galaxy of balls that sport a seemingly unending variety of coverings. They cheer a parade of citizens who sacrifice their own realities for a shot at everything from a job working for an asshole to a record contract to a wad of cash pilfered from a lucky briefcase. They collect any number of serial dramas about doctors, lawyers, or cops. They entertain a sea of talking heads so vast, that everyone can be told exactly what they want to hear by at least one of them. Most recently, they won’t shut up about cheerleaders and the heroes who save them.

This gamer has not even given that last variety a day in court, and he knows he is about to catch hell for hating on it. No matter. This gamer plays Halo. That’s what makes me a gamer.

For those of you about to game, we salute you – for, as a gamer, you choose your own adventure. You write the story. You serve as the director, assembling your cast of characters from a list of friends. You don’t like one of the characters in your ensemble? Show them the boot, or mute them like a crooked news anchor who thinks that celebrity tragedy amounts to current events.

If the main character in your Halo Experience is an idiot… Well, that can only be your fault. That’s easier to fix than a last-minute rewrite of a season finale.

The gamers in the Army of the Halo Nation are the best thing on this gamer’s television. Lucky for me, you people don’t seem to be in any danger of getting cancelled any time soon. Your ratings are just too high.

These are great days we’re living, bros. We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns.

Posted by XerxdeeJ

Gamers 16

  1. #LINK D0430 T0024
    L0coM0tive wrote...

    Yeah boy. Forget the prime time television. I’m all for the prime time pwnage with a group of ‘slingers.

  2. #LINK D0430 T0203
    TTL Pheonix Sam wrote...

    Amen I can’t wait until the sneak-peak of next season hits, and I sure as hell can’t wait to see what happens at the end of the Grand Finale.

  3. #LINK D0430 T0638
    DTS Wheels wrote...

    Nice read!!

  4. #LINK D0430 T1130
    Tortacular wrote...

    Great stuff Deej.

    I just about spit my orange juice everywhere while checking out the news graphic. the “covenant ice cream shop” thing did it.

    I will be writing my own story tonight…

  5. #LINK D0430 T1138
    ImmortalThree wrote...

    Awesome read dude! Best quote,

    “This gamer plays Halo. That’s what makes me a gamer.”

  6. #LINK D0430 T1144
    XerxdeeJ wrote...

    I thought the best quote was Full Metal Jacket, but thanks for the nod.

  7. #LINK D0430 T1159
    Stuntmutt wrote...

    Flag taken.
    Film at 11.
    From multiple angles, with slowmo and freeze frame…

  8. #LINK D0430 T1233
    TTL Jericho wrote...

    best. graphic. ever.

  9. #LINK D0430 T1259
    Pony wrote...

    Deej, your mastery of dramatics has done it again. Riveting.

  10. #LINK D0430 T1302
    TTL Homicide wrote...

    Plays the sports center theme music as red team caps the flag!

  11. #LINK D0430 T1441
    Alekat wrote...

    Yeah the graphic is certainly one of the best.

    Ooh, the NASDAQ is doing well…

  12. #LINK D0430 T1536
    Dweezle wrote...

    Thank you all for all the compliments on the graphic.

    Damn Hunters… Never happy with Rocky Road…

  13. #LINK D0430 T1537
    Quantifier wrote...

    Now that’s some good material! Hope you get credit when the comedians steel it!

  14. #LINK D0430 T1747
    Mossberg wrote...

    ”... and he knows he is about to catch hell for hating on it.”

    If you hadn’t said that, I would be dishing out said hell.

    At any rate, Heroes is about the only thing out there that makes me think old media isn’t dead yet.

  15. #LINK D0430 T1821
    TPA Nightmare wrote...

    Hehehe, I love the picture (TV). Great article aswell.

  16. #LINK D0430 T1902
    Mintz wrote...

    Hey, hey, heeeyy….

    Not Heroes.

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