Dear Fellas,
Boy, oh boy… I sure am sorry that we lost that game we played recently. You know what? I am pretty sure that was completely my fault.
I am better than that. Usually, when the Matchmaking System for Halo2 splits me off from my intended team, I fight the good fight. I am not that guy we all know who spoils a match just for sport. I suffer from a rare disorder that motivates me to provide a good game for my opponents as much as myself. Just because I get matched-up on the wrong side of the roster doesn’t mean that I don’t do my part for the team. I would expect any other random allies to do the same for me.
I really let you down.
On the night that I had the distinct pleasure of being on your team [instead of mine], I guess I let my personal feelings get in the way of my better judgement. In a moment of drunken weakness, I decided to have a little fun at your expense – perhaps even teach you a lesson, if you will. The loyalties that I should have assigned to your team dissolved away like butter in a pan when, in the pregame lobby, I heard someone say:
“Look at all these TTL guys… they look like a bunch of Douchebags!”
That made me a little mad. Thinking back on it with a cooler head, it occurs to me that we clearly deserved that insult. We just got tired of lacing our tags with numbers like 420 or 187 or 69 to make them unique. It’s a hard thing to admit the fact that wearing a bunch of matching gamertags amounts to us begging to be mocked by the cool people. You were just “telling it like it is” when you compared us to an unmentionable hygiene product. Where was my sense of humor on that one?
When the match started, I have to confess that I did not try my hardest to shoot my fellow “Douchebags” in the back. We have put a lot of effort into being friends, you know. That was not very nice of me. Was it? Don’t answer that. I feel bad enough. I can tell you that it wasn’t.
I am sorry that I commandeered every single car that spawned in our base; only to assemble Warthog teams and deliver them to that “enemy” Scorpion like helplessly gift-wrapped Triple Kills. It must have been hard to draw a bead on Dweezle’s tank with our Gauss Cannon while I was carving a wicked donut into the snow of Containment. When I started behaving like that, you were well within your rights to accuse me of subscribing to an alternative sexual lifestyle. I should have followed the path of forgiveness. Instead, I traveled down the path of cackling, delicious revenge.
To make matters even worse, those “Douchebags” on the other team caught on to my shenanigans. They are extremely acustomed to my Warthog hoarding, after all. It was far too easy for me [happily honking all the while] to roll up to a willing tail-gunner from the other team and welcome them aboard the vehicle that I should have been using to help you fine gentlemen win the match. You couldn’t even sneak up on me with those team icons marking your position like signal flares – and I had very little trouble leading those “Douchbag” Gauss Gunners to your hiding spots.
It wasn’t very sporting of me to leverage my clanmates to deliver the betrayals that I felt you all so richly deserved. I just didn’t want you to boot me from the game. Can you blame me? I mean, you guys are cool! You know that…
I have spoken to my clan about this, and we all feel really bad. Just because you gloated about the intimate relations you had with my mother is no reason for me to set you up to take that fall.
Keep up the great work, kids – and don’t take that game too hard.
Hopefully, I will have the chance to make this up to you someday.
Hahahahaha!!!!
How could you beray your mother’s lovers?
Well you’re human, and fallible. Everyone that has ever played Halo has done something similar to this at one point or another. You made a bad choice, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It is not one’s choices that define them, rather the actions they take once choices have already been made. You messed up, but you feel bad about it, and you will remember this day when the opportunity arises once more. As apologetic as you are, I can assure you your team won’t be as hard on you, lest they even remember this incident two weeks from now. You have not forgotten the face of your father fellow Gunslinger.
That being said, it sounded funny as hell. Wish I could have been there.
Hey it happens…
Whoops.
Hahaha that’s awesome. They couldn’t even think of a rational insult so they just randomly called you all a bunch of douchebags just because you had matching gamertags. They had it coming.
Heh, I was one of said willing tailgunners on the opposing team. I can’t express in words how bad I feel for what I did but if I could put it into terms relating to halo I’d have to suffer the reward of a kill frenzy to express how sorry I am.
Please forgive me “TheCyberFreak1” for being a Bag.
And I’d like to apologize for not being there to witness this great travesty in person. I am certain that I could have done my part to put whichever perpetrators in their place.
Some people…
I’d like to apologize for laughing at this, it was insensitive of me.
I wear my TTL name with pride. Yes numerous times in matchmaking I endure comments and such but there is no greater feeling when playing UNO by yourself and a random person joins to say ” hey your a TTL guy I heard about your clan you guys rock. how’s it going brother?” All that negativity gets washed away from one positive comment. Thankya to everyone wearing TTL and bringing a good game.
I’ll admit it; I’ve been in the same boat as Deej. Carrying an fellow Gunslinger around in my Hog, even though he was wearing different colored armour. Those icons over all my ‘teammates’ head made it real easy to find them so my gunner could rack up some kills.
I love how Deej can make the worst of Matchmaking sound, somehow, almost, mature. For a 5th grader.
sniff, sniff….......that’s so darn insensitive. But, funny! Go flog yourself Deej.
Funny stuff Deej.
Too bad Iming doesn’t have the TTL prefix – or else you could have included him in the “box of glory”.
People have such witty comments. I do agree with Homicide though – the good recognition of our name is reward enough.
Keep up the awesome work guys.
Nice to see that in this day and age, we have finally put the color of our armor aside. Reds and Blues all riding in the same Hog together. Great write-up Deej.
lmao, that was great. They really deserved it
Just for the record. That is NOT the real CYBRFRK (TheCyberFreak1) that led your losing team. It is some impostor that has been stalking me, and now he(she) has latched onto you.
Be afraid—be very afraid.
We all know who the real CYBRFRK is, my friend. I ain’t afraid of no dopplegangers. They will be neutered and released into the wild.
I never mind being on the opposite team, at least I know my opponents won’t be cheating.
I’m going to go in the other room and laugh my ass off.
That was a great story. Give a little back to those cooler than us. Wonderful.
Jungle